she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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