Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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