Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
