I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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