I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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