This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There's even glitter on my cock...
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