oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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