is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
