@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
