Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
