Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
