theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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