you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
