I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
