I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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