She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i believe in u and ur pee
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
tell me about the fingering
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