This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
