why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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