Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
