her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
