me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
