She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
