oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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