I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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