I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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