she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
