So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
not ubering you a puppy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
