I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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