Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just tell him i said nine months
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
