No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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