he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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