Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
3 2 1 whiskey
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
