I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
