just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
