He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
