Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
