haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
