She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
