i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
