I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
