so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
should my penis look like a turkey
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
