Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
