i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
