I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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