Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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