my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
