ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
