I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
