Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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