4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you would pick up someone in the library
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
