I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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