well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Boobs are out for the taking
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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