So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
