I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
