I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
